Archive for September, 2012

Nevada Silver & Blue – “Why So Serious” – Spr ’09

September 29, 2012

NSB – Why So Serious – Spr ’09 – Kvon   (click on this link/ NOT THE PICTURE to open & view full size)

NSB – Why So Serious – Spr ’09

Show #25 & #26 – Community College Tour – Orange County Newburgh/Western Connecticut State

September 27, 2012

Final Shows:  2 in one day!  First, the feared lunch room gig and then, wrapping it all up with a college lounge.  30 days; officially the longest I’ve ever lived out of a suitcase on the road.

On this tour I drove too many miles, stayed in a lot of hotels, and reinforced many stereotypes I had about different groups of people.  Some shows were better than others, but as a whole, couldn’t be happier with the whole experience.

The shortest bus I’ve ever seen…

I enjoyed the show in Newburgh and made my way to Connecticut for the first time ever.  Then I looked at my watch.  It’s 10pm and my flight leaves out of NYC at 7am.  That means I can either drop $250 on a hotel for 6 hours of rest, orrrrr…. no sleep til!  Well, anyone who knows me, knows what I did.  Stayed out in the Big Apple until about 2:30 am, made my way back in the rental car, and slept on the floor of the airport for about 2 hours.

Now, let’s talk about how amaazzzzzzzing my planning skills were on this tour shall we?  Not one hotel was booked the wrong way, no rental car was returned late or low on gas, and not one flight was missed.  5 years ago I would have found a way to mess all that up.  I think this is a sign that I am getting closer to becoming an adult!  Hey, some people take longer than others.  One thing is for sure, I’ve officially reached “Pro Traveler” status.  So next time you plan on going on a big trip, you may want to spend the extra cash and bring me with you!

ribbit…  THANKS FOR READING!

Show #24 – “Community College Tour” – Arlington Draft House

September 24, 2012

Whenever I hit Washington D.C. I try to perform at the Arlington Draft House.  It’s an old school and historical movie theater.  They still show all your favorite films there, but they also use the space to bring some of the biggest acts to their stage as well.

Why is it so good?  Imagine, instead of a boring brick background they show you the upcoming acts on a huuuuge screen.  They then draw the theater curtains, providing a fantastic backdrop.  On the wood stage is a mic and a stool and in the back, their sound guy is making sure your volume is always at the right levels.  Fun songs play in between each comic taking the stage.  The seats, all comfortable leather chairs that rotate and the audience sits on teared levels, giving each person a perfect view of the stage.

This probably sounds so trivial, but night after night, comedians are asked last minute to perform without these small key elements, which actually make a big difference.

It wouldn’t happen to any other entertainers.  Imagine being in a band and just before going on, the stage manager says “We know you requested cymbals for your drummer but we don’t have any.”  Or being a magician and told, “We know you requested a hot girl to cut in half, but instead we got you a frog.  That’ll work right?”  That would never happen to anyone else, but comedians deal with these curveballs regularly.  I’ve seen it often, especially on the “Community College Tour.”

Kvon Headlines – Arlington Draft House – 9/23/12

The tour is almost over and the holidays are around the corner.  Unbelievable!  2 more shows to go, a night in NYC, and a partridge in a pear-tree!

Show #23 – “Community College Tour” – Baltimore Comedy Factory

September 23, 2012

Left Pennyslvania and stopped for gas.  They fill their vending machines with the weirdest items out here.  I wasn’t that hungry so I decided to pass.
Next stop, the ‘Baltimore Comedy Factory’.  Apparently, Baltimore was at one time (or perhaps still is) the murder capital of the United States.  The street leading to the comedy club is blocked off with a bouncer leading up to it.  It is the first place I’ve ever been where I had to get carded/pat down just to enter the street that the bars are on, and then once again to enter the venue.

I performed for “Urban Night” and was the only ‘non-urban’ on the bill that night.  Talk about live bait!  Most people would shy away from any risky material on a night like this.  I decided to start making fun of the crowd right away.  I figured, they had all been screened enough that no one was going to get hurt.  But just to be sure, I made it a point to look for a few alternate exits!

Show #22 – “Community College Tour” – Penn College of Tech

September 22, 2012

Penn College of Technology better have mindblowing gadgets available for our show.  I’m prepared to be blown away with lights, pyrotechnics… the works.

On the way there I decided to stop for some Fro-Yo.  This was the oddest of toppings if you ask me.

Really? 

I decided to stay true to my long standing policy and pass on the ‘wet nuts’.

Arriving at the school, I took the stage and felt the need to make a few Amish jokes.  What are the chances they would ever find out (unless one of you runs off and tells em)?  And I won’t accept any criticism that I’m culturally insensitive.  I wasn’t the one who decided to build a whole college of TECHNOLOGY in the heart of their land!

Only 3 more official shows left on the tour!

Show #20 & #21 – “Community College Tour” – OrangeCounty-MiddleTown/TompkinsCortland

September 20, 2012

7am and it’s time to drive 3 hours.  Running on no sleep, I headed to a day time show, which can be rough… but the students at OCC-Middletown did not disappoint.

3 more hours of driving, and right near the end of my journey, a State Trooper turns on his lights.  I was pulled over coming down a huge hill.  Turns out I was going 81 in a 65mph zone on the loneliest road you’ve ever seen.

QUICK THINKING, I fibbed and told the cop I was “coming from the worst show of my entire career and that my life was basically ruined already, so a ticket would just add to my day”‘.  He bought it and gave me a ‘warning’.  Which was good because I avoided the ticket and REALLY BAD, because that means I looked like a guy who probably definitely would not do well on stage.  WHO CARES!  Bombing can be good in some situations and this was one of em!

Finished the drive at a more reasonable speed (78mph) and checked into the most uncomfortable COMFORT INN to date.  30 minute nap, and back on stage again at Tompkins-Cortland.  People who think comedians have it made by only working one hour a night, obviously don’t know the half of it!

Cortland Tompkins

Did they come for me or the ice cream?

Show #19 – “Community College Tour” – Alvernia University

September 19, 2012

Picked up some new merchandise from Manhattan, and got back on the road.  Apparently other people had a few pickups of their own.  My question; who transports 5 pumpkins on the outside of their car?  You mean to tell me those could not possibly fit in the Suburban (or was that full of pumpkins too)?

Pumpkins Anyone?

Alvernia is a fairly strict Catholic College and the stakes were high.  I had a list of things NOT TO TALK ABOUT, but the students packed themselves in and we had a great rated PG-13 time.  And what better school to unveal the new shades.  Sold a bunch of em and looks like I’ll have to head back to NYC and put in a reorder soon.  TANX GOD!

2Cool

Show #17 & #18 – “Community College Tour” – Columbia Greene/Ramapo College

September 18, 2012

Finished my laundry thanks to the Aloysius staff and their swipe cards and headed to Show #17. However, I have come up with an idea so touring entertainers won’t have to worry about such chores:  My own line of reversible underwear for touring entertainers.  “Kversibles”-Ask for them by name.

Speaking of names, I drove passed a sign that says head south to Coxsackie.  Cox… Sackie… Who named the towns and schools on the East Coast, an immature Jr. High student?

ya head south & you’ll run into CoxSackie alright!

And that wasn’t even the weirdest thing I saw on this trip.  How about a family that was cruising around with a lamb in their van like it’s no big deal.  Must have bought this thing wholesale.

EZ-Baaaaass

After the lunch room show I hit the road for Show #18 at Ramapo in NJ.  That was a gorgeous campus with one of the best crowds.  So, I’m glad I saw it and “damn you Jersey Shore making me think all these people out here are all morons!”

Show #16 – “Community College Tour” – Hartwick College

September 17, 2012

Okay, first “Pitt-Tit”, then “Widener”, and now “Hartwick” which, if you say it fast (and you’re really immature), sounds like something else.  I’m starting to wonder what kind of tour this is?!  It’s fairly easy to have your mind in the gutter when the business next door to the university has a questionable name as well.


This was a great show because while on stage, I made it a point to call out students that were just passing by, heading to the food court.  Over half of them stopped what they were doing, sat down to enjoy the rest of the show, and even bought a tshirt after!  This would be the exact opposite of “walking the room”.

My good friends Rebecca and Renee Clark were nice enough to stop in, hang out, and capture some pics.  Two photographers who once lived in L.A., anyone who follows comedians has seen their photos of Dane Cook, Russell Peters, Maz Jobrani, Jo Koy, K-von (had to do it), and a handful of other notables throughout the years circulating the web.  To our dismay, 2 yrs ago they moved to the other side of the country.

One bonus to touring is that you are getting paid to reconnect with people that have spread out over the years and gone their separate ways.  Tonight was no different.  We had some laughs, talked about old times, and soon there will be another bunch of great new pictures to remember tonight by as well.

© Rebecca & Renee Clark – Sept 16, 2012

Show #15 – “Community College Tour” – Mt. Aloysius

September 15, 2012

You are probably looking at Aloysius and wondering, “How the heck do I say that?”  Well, I pondered the same thing the whole way there, while on stage, and on the long drive to the next gig as well.  But I have come up with an easy way for you to remember.  Imagine if you stayed out in the sun too long, developing bright red skin… The next day you would have “ALOE-WISHES”.  It’s as simple as that.

This Catholic based private school had students who sat very politely watching the comedy.  For about 30 minutes.  Then suddenly they were disruptive; giggling and whispering something while pointing.  My first thought was, “Oh great, my fly is down, again, (and not on purpose this time).”

Finally, I broke it up and asked what’s with all the commotion?  They pointed out a spider, which had repelled down from the rafters, and was now hanging out by the wall.  Ummm, *Who cares!  Felt like I was entertaining the ADD Class of 2012.

As I returned to the hotel that evening I had this stern warning awaiting me in my inbox for an upcoming school.  Click on the pic and you can read it too.  What a day.

Thanks for the heads up. Wasn’t really planning on it!