Archive for December, 2014

My 1st Marathon – Honolulu ’14

December 18, 2014

Went to Honolulu for a comedy show/vacation. Upon arrival I ran a few miles then went and did a heavy ‘leg day’ at my favorite gym overlooking the ocean.  That night someone asked, “Are you in town for the Honolulu Marathon?” I said, “No, when’s that?” “Tomorrow morning, 3rd biggest in the USA.  People from all over the world are flying in for it.”

Landed in Hawaii to 'Relax'

Landed in Hawaii to ‘Relax’

I’ve never run a marathon and didn’t particularly want to now, however, if people are spending thousands and I’m already here, this is a huge savings. And I LOVE SAVINGS!   Therefore, I must do this marathon. Besides, how bad could 26.2 miles be when you have palm trees, ocean, and potential whales to look at?  The following is a rough timeline of the experience:

4:15am My hotel was 2 miles from the starting point and I didn’t want to call a cab at that hour, so I jogged over. *An extra 2 miles I didn’t need to tack on.

5:00am The gun goes off and I’m feeling great, passing thousands of people for the first 12 miles. There’s mist/fog in the air as an army of 30,000 people ran the course. It was epic.

6:45am We head into the hills of Honolulu. At the higher elevation the precipitation is heavier. Now my socks and shoes are squishy. The wind is whipping the rain back and forth. I can’t help but notice I’m no longer passing anyone.

7:30am The sun is coming up and the scenery is gorgeous, but I’m not enjoying much of it. My legs are super tired. Yesterday’s squats and lunges are looking like a bad idea. Around the 17-mile marker it began. Throngs of people started passing me.

8:00am When an athlete passes you, it’s one thing, but around mile 20 it got out of control. I was getting passed by EVERYBODY. Was this a hidden camera show? A father and his 12-year old son breezed by, then 2 people in Disney costumes with the big heavy foam heads, a little Japanese girls, followed by a grandma in flip flops. Then I hear, “On your left.” I look back and no one is there. Am I hallucinating?   Then again, “ON YOUR LEFT!” Looking back again, and then down… and that’s when I see someone in a wheel chair pushing past me UP the final hill. HUMBLED!

8:20am At mile 22 for no reason I literally cried out “PIZZA!” Still not sure why. Apparently something like that will be my final words one day. No poetic “E tu Brute?” for me.

9:10am I see the Finish Line in the distance and I’m running (shuffling my feet) towards it, but it seems to keep moving further away. The longest .2 miles of my life. I cross the line and realize since I haven’t paid, there will be no finishing t-shirt, no medal, and no official race photos… basically, no proof that this ever happened.


The Place I Ended Up: 4hrs 10min Later

The Hawaiian People were very supportive. Many lined up outside their homes holding out various snacks they’d made. Without question, I reached into just about every bowl, bucket, and tin tray to grab a handful of whatever offering, shoved it in my face, and kept moving. Some items were better than others. Luckily all were actual food items. Felt kinda like trick-or-treating on the run.

Going into the Marathon I had 3 goals… Don’t injure yourself, don’t stop running no matter what, and break 4hours. Accomplished the first two and was fairly close on the final one with a finishing time of 4hrs 10mins.

As you might expect, Kenyans won in the men’s and women’s division with a time of around 2 hours and 20mins. It was hard to tell which was which.

Feeling fairly good about myself for running on a whim, I looked up celebrities and their finishing times. While I did beat Oprah, Al Gore, and P Diddy, I did not beat Will Ferrel, George W Bush, or Sarah Palin. Therefore, unfortunately, this will not be my last marathon. Next time however, I will plan at least a month in advance and pay so that there’s some evidence!

Honolulu Marathon = Epic Scenery

Honolulu Marathon = Epic Scenery